


Change

by Obsessiveangel



Series: Family [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Brief descriptions of Ayato's teenage violence, Gen, Kirishima family angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 02:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessiveangel/pseuds/Obsessiveangel
Summary: Pre-Cochlea raid. Banjou brings Touka and Yomo to his base after informing them about the break-in. Touka struggles with the idea of seeing Ayato after so long, especially after what he had done to her. But when she finally does, she realizes that maybe not everything has changed after all.





	Change

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two so much and I love their relationship. Sensei please give us more stuff about them.

“Are you sure about this?” Banjou asked. 

Touka and Yomo looked at each other. Masked, they couldn’t read each other’s facial expressions, but both knew what the other was thinking.

“Yes, Banjou, we’re pretty sure about it,” Touka replied, chuckling. “You can stop asking already.”

“I mean… he’d kill me if he found out I’m sneaking you guys in,” Banjou sighed, running his hand through his hair. “In the first place, maybe I shouldn’t have told you about it.” 

“Well, if he doesn’t know about it, there’s nothing to worry about, right?” Touka beamed but it’s not like Banjou could see her smile or anything. Banjou seemed really on edge, and she didn’t blame him. But she knew he had nothing to worry about. Her mask covered her face and it muffled her voice quite a bit. There was no way anyone would be able to recognize her, even if they knew her voice at the back of their hand. Someone who hadn’t seen her for years definitely wouldn’t be able to– that she was completely certain. 

Banjou led them to hideout of the 6th ward gasmask ghouls and Touka waited in silent anticipation as he conversed briefly with a couple of ghouls at the door. She had been to that place quite a bit before. The ghouls there were all friendly and kind. They were your typical ghouls– those who killed merely to eat. Of course, there were still those who chose to eat ethical meat among them and :re tended to provide these people with food. In the 6th ward, there really wasn’t anything to fear– at least, not when she was among Banjou’s people.

“Where is he?” Banjou asked. 

“Still in the room,” one of the gasmasked ghoul replied, nodding to a certain direction. 

“He hasn’t been out there yet?”

“Not that we know of.”

Banjou mumbled something in response, dismissing his underlings. He walked in the direction the ghoul had gestured to and Touka and Yomo followed behind. Touka had no idea where exactly they were headed– Banjou was leading them into a part of the hideout she had never had any reason to venture into. She didn’t know how far it was. But with every step, her heart pounded harder. With every door they passed, her heart skipped a beat. Which door was it? The upcoming one? The next one? The one after that? Which one held the person she had been dying to see so badly?

Banjou stopped at the end of the corridor and knocked on the door. The room seemed so far from everything and everyone else– in a quiet, secluded part of the hideout. The place was dark and the only source of light was the lamp at the other end of the corridor and the moonlight streaming in from the window. The atmosphere was gloomy and stoic and suddenly, Touka could feel all the courage and determination drain out of her. It felt like the universe was warning her not to take a step forward, to turn back when she still had a chance. Memories of their last meeting surfaced, plaguing her mind. She thought she was over it all but standing there, it felt like she was reliving that experience. She could practically feel it– his teeth sinking into her, ripping her into shreds of nothing but a bloody mess.

_I don’t want this…_

“Oi! Are you in there?” Banjou yelled, knocking the door again. 

Touka swallowed, taking a step back, bumping into Yomo. She heard a soft sigh from him and she felt his hand rest on her shoulder.

“Are you sure about this, Touka?” 

“Y-Ye..Yes…” Touka forced out a smile, nodding her head. Yomo couldn’t see the smile. All that he could see was her trembling body, heaving with every deep breath. 

“If you turn away… no one will blame you,” Yomo continued. Touka considered his words, staring at the door. Banjou had turned to look at her, somewhat annoyed from his fruitless knocking. 

“He doesn’t seem to be answering. He might not even be in. Wait there. I’ll check inside,” Banjou replied, reaching to open the door. 

“Touka,” Yomo said, a little more urgently. It was so unlike him to show any kind of emotion in his voice. She turned up to look at him slightly and Yomo squeezed her shoulder lightly. “I know it’s hard. Are you prepared?” 

“I… have to face him… someday,” she replied, soft and unsure. She watched Banjou open to door and peek in, before he turned to them and nodded towards the room. As Banjou entered, Touka took a deep breath, straightening her back and clenching her fists. There was no turning back after she stepped into that room. 

“I have to do this,” she whispered, following after Banjou. Behind her, Yomo stayed close by, just like he always did– having her back whenever she needed him. Despite the whole range of possibilities in front of her, Touka felt a strange calmness seeping in from behind. No matter what happened, Yomo would be there for her. 

The room they entered was dark and silent. Her eyes remained fixed on the silhouette in front of her, seated at a desk completely still. In front of him, there seemed to be loose papers scattered all about the desk. A laptop sat at the corner of the table, the only source of blinding light in the otherwise dark room. But what really was eye-catching was the sheer number of cans laying all over the place. Was it even physically possible for someone to drink that much coffee?

He didn’t seem to have realized that they had entered the room. No matter how long they stood there, he didn’t even turn to acknowledge them. In fact, he barely even moved, aside from occasional sways of his body.

“What the heck… Is he dead or something?” Banjou grumbled, walking over. Standing right behind him, Banjou slammed his hand down on his shoulder. “Oi!”

At the sudden voice and action, Ayato Kirishima jumped and turned to Banjou, completely taken by surprise. He turned away too quick for her to take a look at his face and grumbled something under his breath.

“Huh? Who’d you think it was then?” Banjou sighed as Ayato reached downwards. Touka’s eye caught a bag at his feet and she watched as he rummaged through it. He pulled out a can of coffee and opened it, before leaning back into his seat with a sigh. 

“No luck at all…” he muttered, loud enough for Touka to make out the words but not loud enough for her to hear his voice. But even then, she could feel something rise in her throat and she forced herself to swallow it down. His voice, from what she could hear, sounded nothing like what she remembered.

“A… ya…” Her voice faded off into silence. She longed to call out to him and to say his name. She longed for him to notice her presence and for him to look at her. But even when he was so close, it felt like no matter how far she reached, she still wouldn’t be able to touch him. They had been apart far too long– too long for everything to simply be okay.

“What are you doing anyway? You’ve locked yourself in this room ever since you got here,” Banjou complained.

Ayato shifted his body to turn away from the computer and to face the scattered papers in front of him. He picked a few of them up and flipped through them in silence, before dropping them on the table with another sigh– this time louder and more exasperated. Touka couldn’t see his expression but just from the way he leaned over the table and grasped his head with his hands, she could tell that the stress was starting to get to him.

It felt like the person in front of her wasn’t her brother.

“It’s no good. There’s no way,” he mumbled, his voice cracking. “The guards are too strong. The building is too secure. There’s not a single loophole anywhere. How the fuck are we going to get in?”

“I simply assumed you had a plan,” Banjou said. 

“I don’t!” Ayato hissed, turning slightly to glare at Banjou. “I don’t have a plan. It took me one fucking year just to get all these information.” 

“One year and that’s all you managed to get? Even with Aogiri’s resources?” Banjou asked, genuinely taken aback. Ayato turned away with a huff, mumbling something under his breath again. He turned to the screen, letting out another sigh. 

“If I can at least… find something…” he mumbled. He brought a hand to his face, rubbing it slightly, before leaning over the to type something into the laptop. “If we can find… anything…”

“Oi… don’t you think you’re working too hard?” Banjou sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder again. “It’s been three days since you came here. Did you take a break? Have you even slept? When was the last time you ate?”

“I have no time for that– not now,” Ayato muttered. He typed away a little more, before suddenly jumping back into the chair and slamming his hand onto the keyboard. “What the fuck?”

“Nothing’s going to happen if you just sit here working yourself to complete exhaustion,” Banjou nagged, crossing his arms with a sigh. He glanced at Touka and Yomo and Touka could tell that despite Banjou’s harsh, unbothered tone, he was starting to get worried as well and that said something about the situation. “Look, we trust you to get us in there and back out perfectly fine along with Hina-chan. That isn’t going to happen if you’re having some kind of breakdown two weeks before the planned break-in.” 

“I can’t do this…” 

“Huh?” Banjou yelled. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means, I can’t do this. Simple as that,” Ayato murmured, leaning forward again. His body slouched and he brought his arms up to his face. Touka didn’t have a clear view of what he was doing but it felt like he was rubbing her eyes. She swallowed another lump that rose in her throat, trying her best to force herself to even out her increasingly haggard breathing. For some reason, the place felt suffocating.

Banjou frowned at Ayato’s words before he turned away and started walking towards Touka and Yomo. “Get some sleep,” he instructed.

“Don’t talk to me like that… You’re not the boss of me,” Ayato grumbled. 

“Get some sleep or you’re in this alone. Even if it’s for Hina-chan’s sake, I’m not risking my men if we have no plan and a half-dead leader,” Banjou replied. He walked over and patted Touka on the shoulder, before nodding towards the door. Touka found herself leaving the room without much coaxing, even though it did feel like something was pulling her back in. Even outside, it was no easier to breathe. 

“I didn’t mean what I said… I’d risk anything for Hina-chan. But… it’s weird saying this but I’m worried about him as well,” Banjou sighed, running his hand along the back of his neck. “I want everything to go smoothly. Your brother’s the best bet we have.” 

Touka felt a chill run through her the moment Banjou refers to him as her brother. It was the same chill that gripped her the moment Banjou stepped into her cafe and relayed new about Ayato’s crazy plan. It was too surreal to think of the person in the room as her brother, because he seemed nothing like the brother she knew. He wasn’t the little boy who had depended on her for everything, nor was he the angsty teen who even turned against her in his desperate search for power.

Touka shook her head. “Ayato isn’t…” She stopped, frowning slightly.

_He isn’t… what?_

Banjou nodded, somehow getting her point. He started walking down the corridor, away from the door. Touka lingered a little longer, glancing once more at the closed door, before running over to catch up with him. Behind her, Yomo followed in silence.

* * *

 

It was only much later that Touka returned to the room. A few hours had passed. Banjou had gathered some of his men for a meeting. Yomo had excused himself from the hideout, saying that he needed to discuss something with Nishiki. He hadn’t offered to bring her along and Touka’s didn’t ask either. She stayed back, waving goodbye as he left. But without having anything to do, Touka ended up wandering about the place aimlessly, somehow finding herself stopping outside Ayato’s room.

If he had listened, he would be asleep. But this was Ayato. What was the likelihood of him listening to someone like Banjou?

Touka took a deep breath and reached out to grasp the doorknob. Even when she was merely holding it, she could see it rattle slightly– she hadn’t even noticed that she was shivering. She took another breath, letting it out with a shaky sigh.

“It’s just him… It’s just Ayato…” 

No use. The images flashed through her mind– her spilt blood, his wicked snarl and his body pinning hers down. Her ears were filled with the memories of his young teenage voice, laughing and cursing her weakness, accompanied with the rip of her skin and flesh. Her skin tingled in recollection of his smaller hands clutching her and blackened nails digging into her flesh, no longer in search of solace, but with the intent to destroy.

“He was trying to protect me. He was trying to…” She stopped and took another deep breath. She was starting to find it hard to breathe again. Her heart was accelerating with every shuddered breath she took. She felt a sob rise up her throat and she’s fully prepared to collapse right in front of the door. 

_Just when did I get so scared of him?_

Touka shook her head, desperately forcing whatever undesirable thoughts and memories out of her head. If she couldn’t face her own brother, there was no way she could face anyone else. She needed to do this. With one final deep breath, she turned the knob and opened the door.

The room gave off a different feel this time. Initially overpowered by the light from the laptop screen, now that it was turned off, the room was flooded with moonlight streaming in from a window in the corner. The table still had paper scattered about it. The laptop still sat at the side, now closed. The floor was still littered with empty cans of coffee. The chair had been pushed away from it’s initial place and left awkwardly away from the table– a clear indication that the previous user hadn’t bothered enough to push it back.

Touka realized something she had forgotten– Ayato was a messy person. She thought back about clearing up after him– every toy, book and even meal– just because he couldn’t ever be bothered to do it himself. Besides, his big sister was always there to do it for him. The memory brought a small smile to her face. She missed it. She missed pampering him even over things he should be capable of doing by himself.  

Touka’s eyes scanned and place before landing on the couch at the corner of the room, right under the window. Sprawled on top of it, she saw him. She stared at him for a moment, completely in disbelief over the fact that he took _Banjou’s_ advice, before she walked closer to him. He remained still, the only movement from his body being the subtle rise and fall of his wide chest. Her eyes travelled over the outline of his body from head to toe and the first thing she noticed was his height– he had grown so tall. He probably towered over her now.

Ayato had an arm over his face, with the other arm hanging off the edge of the couch. His long legs are stretched out, taking up the entire length of the couch. Touka slowly reached forward, her fingers lightly brushing an arm. Well-hidden under the baggy black t-shirt he was wearing was a strong, tough body probably well-built from all the fighting and training he had been through the past three years.

He’s no longer the chubby toddler. He’s no longer the scrawny teenager. He’d grown up and with a bitter heart, Touka acknowledged the fact that it was a process she had missed out on and would never be able to see.

Ayato whined softly in his sleep and shifted his body, turning to the side. His hand is brought away from his face but his hair fell to curtain it from her view. It took Touka a moment before she reached out. Her fingers ran through the soft, dark hair and she pushed it behind his ear. It took her another moment before she looked to his face. Somehow, she had expected to see the menacing smirk or apathetic snarl that he seemed to alternated between the last time she saw him. But seeing his features smoothed out in a normal, calmed and almost tranquil expression took her by surprised. Touka got to her knees, settling down close to him as she continued to watch him.

For some reason, watching him like that made her earlier worries and fears fade. She felt herself rising and just from being by his side, even though he knew nothing about it, Touka felt every confidence and strength she’s had in the past return.

_I can face anything now_.

His face scrunched up a little after a while and he started murmuring in his sleep. Touka reached over with one hand, lightly pressing down on his hair and stroking it. He didn’t wake up– probably trapped far too deep in whatever dream or nightmare he had playing in his mind.  

“No… Come back…” 

She didn’t say anything and continued stroking his hair. His voice had changed as well, she noted. It had lost the high-pitch squeak from his teenage days and had deepened to a soft and gentle tone– the kind of voice you could listen to for days and never get bored of.

“Ah… Ka…” 

She had missed this change as well. She wondered what else she missed.

“Touka…”

Touka froze and she could swear everything else did as well– her heart stopped pumping, her breathing stilled, her body stiffened, her blood turned to ice and her mind was a blank slate. Ayato continued his murmuring, her name spilling out from his lips occasionally. His body trembled and he pulled his limbs closer to curl his body up, almost protectively.

_Ah. He still has nightmares until now._

Maybe some things didn’t change. Maybe some things would never change. Maybe some things just couldn’t change.

Touka brought her head closer to his, leaning her forehead against his. “I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m here, Ayato.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks everyone who have read and left kudos and comments on my previous fics! I am glad you guys like it! I will be posting all my Ayahina Week fics here on of these days, but I'm not so sure if I should post them as separate fic, one fic with multiple stories or as a series? Ahhh the dilemma... =w=


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